Surviving Infidelity – Start The Healing Process
Discovering your partner has been cheating in your marriage is one of the worst things you are likely to encounter throughout your life. The harsh decisions which you are going to face are not helped by the emotional upheaval which hits you. It is necessary to put your thoughts and emotions back in shape before you can even attempt to make the rational decisions essential to your future and the future of your family. Infidelity surviving is a skill which will require some calm rationalization.
Don’t bother trying to rationalize the situation by excusing your partners behaviour or sympathizing with them. It was not your fault so trying to make sense out of it is a waste of time. It is NEVER right to solve problems within a relationship by going outside of it. If your partner felt there was a problem with the relationship they should have brought this up with you and put their efforts into helping find a mutually satisfactory solution. Nobody deserves to be cheated on and your partner has broken your trust and must be willing to make major changes in order to win it back.
It is said that time will heal all wounds but this is not really true. If you and your partner decide to move forward with your relationship, there must be a commitment to fix the damage and not just “forget” about it. A simple “forgive and forget” will not work here, your partner must be willing to justify their position in the relationship. Having said that, never use your partners past behaviour against them in any future situations and continuing to punish them for it. There needs to be rebuilding effort from both sides.
Your relationship may need some restructuring so that it works for both of you. You will have had a significant loss of trust in your partner and they need to understand this and be willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild that trust. For you to move forward you need to be willing and able to trust your partner again. While that trust will be a difficult issue right now, with work you should be able to rebuild it for your future together.
In staying committed to your relationship you are choosing to work on it. Make sure you stay focused on where you are heading and maintaining your optimism. There will always be that little part of your mind which doesn’t want to be hurt again trying to hold you back. You cannot let that voice control your life, you need to be happy and remain who you are. Your partner is the only one who can control their behaviour and this is something you need to understand.
The day may also come when you decide you have had enough. If the relationship remains unhealthy after the affair and there are no signs a repair is on the cards, you decide whether you want to continue. Where children are involved the decision is so much harder but remember, children are better off in the long run with one well-adjusted, caring parent than they are with two who argue and cheat, filling the home with negativity and stress. It is a case of short term pain for long term gain.
